Better Off Alone
by Kylen
Summary: Sheppard gets hit hard by two revelations. Spoilers for The Siege, Pt. 3, etc., etc. Angst warning, as Sheppard contemplates life ahead. Parts 1, 2 and 3 of six posted. Author's note: Starts short, will get longer.
1. Prologue

I gave him an order.

Silly me, I thought it would work.

Guess what? It didn't, and in the space of a few seconds, my formerly cooperative and obedient second-in-command took the damned jumper and flew it right over my damned head.

I suppose I should be grateful. After all, he'd been threatening people with guns earlier. At least he didn't try blowing my head off with the jumper's weapons and leaving the slag on the floor of the control room. Rodney would have had a few unkind words about that mess -- not to mention Elizabeth, Zelenka and few of the other geeks.

I'd like to hope the protesting wouldn't have just been over the unholy stains blood leaves on everything.

I watched him go. I just sat there and watched him go. I didn't so much as lift a finger. My hands were wrapped around the damned stunner weapon, and what did I do? I watched. Oh, sure, we'll try searching. Have you ever tried finding someone that doesn't want to be found? I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Ford will be every bit as stubborn as Ai-Qida when it comes to that fact. After all, I helped train him. I taught him half the tricks he knows about Stargate travel.

The other half came from Rodney. And Elizabeth thinks we have a chance in hell of tracking him down. I'd like to see Atlantis' MENSA population formulate the odds on THAT one.

"We'll find him."

Elizabeth tried...I'll give her credit. She tried to give me a little bit of hope. Even pointed out we'd managed to survive the wraith in order to make the effort. But she managed to lose sight of small, tiny fact: I keep losing people. I lost Gall, I lost Abrams...I even lost Grodin. I suppose I could share the blame with the wraith, but I'm not in the mood to be that generous.

I might as well have killed them myself. Just like I killed Sumner. And Everett.

And now my second in command.

End Prologue


	2. Sorry, John's not home right now

With her face in her hands and relief surging through her veins, Dr. Elizabeth Weir recalled a conversation that somehow felt more distant than it actually was.

_"Are you okay?"_

_She'd looked at him incredulously, unable to believe he'd even had to ask._

_"No!"_

_He'd nodded, and then given her a look filled with confidence._

_"You will be."_

And he had been right. Sitting here watching Rodney type commands into his laptop with Zelenka looking worriedly over his shoulder, she knew John had been right. Because in spite of exploding a nuclear bomb over the city they had called home for the past year, watching thousands of wraith darts decide to play kamikaze with Atlantis, watching the shield come up at the last second and the not-so-small part of watching or thinking several of her crew had died, she was coping.

It scared her, and not just a little bit.

"Elizabeth?"

She wheeled around in her chair to come face-to-face with Carson, who was holding several folders, a clipboard and a harried face that seemed to be his permanent expression these days.

He also seemed to be permanently on a mission.

"Where's the Major?" Carson's voice was thick with Scottish brogue and worry. "I need t' know what he found with Lieut--"

Elizabeth held up a hand.

"Carson, I don't know where he is right now." Elizabeth tried to keep her voice level and even. Truth be told, she didn't want to know where Sheppard was. If she did, she'd end up finding something for him to do, or someone else would. The man needed a break.

"What d' ye mean, ye don't know?" Carson's voice raised an octave, and not in recent memory could Elizabeth remember so clearly saying something bound to set off another. "And no, it canna wait! How can ye even ask? Lieutenant Ford's condition may rely on what I and Rod--"

Rodney's head shot up from behind the console.

"Oh, no, I am not getting involved with this. I have a cloaking shield to perfect, not to mention trying to predict the radiation currents from the explosion, the effects of the EMP on the Ancient tech--"

"You'll get involved if I say ye get involved, Rod--"

In one quick, smooth motion, Elizabeth was on her feet.

"GENTLEMEN!" She glared first at Carson, and then at Rodney. "ENOUGH!"

To her immense satisfaction, both men bit hard on their lips and fell silent. When it looked like they would stay that way for more than a few seconds, she reached up and tapped her comlink.

"Major Sheppard, please respond."

There was a long pause, and Elizabeth was about to tap the link again when John's voice spilled onto the channel.

"I'm sorry, Major Sheppard can't come to the phone right now." Elizabeth could hear the acerbic tone in his voice, and inwardly winced. It wasn't a recording. "Since there are no alarms going off anywhere and the good personnel of Atlantis seem to be armed and capable of shooting, the Major is taking time to check the weapons supply. Please try back later."

There was a moment of silence, and then a click. Elizabeth knew in a moment he'd shut off his comm. Stunned, she turned to look at McKay and Beckett, who had listened to the entire exchange. Beckett's face was set in a mask of confusion and sympathy, while Rodney was simply looking annoying.

Feeling all three, Elizabeth just shrugged, and then let out a sigh.

"Well, I suppose that's our notice to leave him alone for a while."


	3. Getting more than you bargained for

An hour later, Elizabeth wondered if John'd had the right idea. Right now, there was something incredibly appealing with burying oneself in a task and not coming up for air for a few hours.

The problem was, everyone kept looking to her to assign them someplace.

First, it had been Rodney and Zelenka going back and forth on the radiation readings and the effect they would have on the ZPM. About the time Rodney had suggested where Zelenka could try looking for the as-yet-unrecalled data from the explosion -- using not-so-vague terms about certain orifices and lines of parentage -- Elizabeth realized she really needed to just let them work, all of their inquiries to the contrary. They might have come to her, but she ended up walking away.

Neither had so much as looked up from the computer console. Five minutes later, they had ducked into one of the side offices and shut a door. A minute or two later, Carson contemplated her seriously, and then hurried out of the room with some mumbling about cataloguing the Wraith enzyme.

Quelling a spasm of jealousy, she'd settled back into her chair, only to have Colonel Caldwell call next, demanding Major Sheppard's radio frequency. Apparently the first few times trying to find the good Major had resulting in nothing but dead air, and the colonel had thought his data banks had been scrambled by the EMP. When she had given him the override code and explained the situation, the colonel had sworn softly, then barked out something about chain of command and signed off abruptly.

She hadn't heard anything yet in response to that. it was entirely possible the Major had taken whatever the Colonel had wanted in good grace. Elizabeth rubbed her eyes and let a slow smile creep across her face. Then again, knowing the mood he was in and his flair for hammering at the chain of command...

At least it was quiet now -- even if she couldn't dig a hole and climb into it at the moment.

"Elizabeth!" Rodney's voice rang out from the floor below, heavy with exasperation and annoyance. She scrambled to her feet and went to the railing.

What she saw completely fell out of her range of comprehension. Rodney, Carson and Zelenka were standing on the deck, each surrounded by a small complement of Marines from the Daedalus. None of them had their weapons drawn, but none of them looked particularly willing to let either doctor move more than a few feet - illustrated when Carson moved forward and was immediately surrounded yet again.

He rolled his eyes and glared up at her.

"This is bloody well intolerable!" Carson's voice bled impatience. "I d'na know wha the Major thought he would accomplish, or if he even bothered to use his brain, but ye nay goin' to get me--"

"Carson!" Elizabeth used the same kindergarten teacher tone she usually reserved for Rodney, and the stream of words from Carson came to a halt. Which was just as well, as the angrier he appeared to get, the deeper the brogue became. However, at the moment, she'd be confused even if Carson was making any sense at all.

Elizabeth turned to Rodney, wondering if he'd be of any help. Questioning him with her eyes, she felt a spark of alarm when he rocked back on his heels, crossed his arms and smirked.

"It appears Major Sheppard has decided that Carson, Zelenka and myself, along with the rest of the scientific staff, need a military escort." A slight edge of sarcasm slipped into his voice. "For our own protection, apparently. Personally, I think someone should have his paranoia checked out--" He stopped and shot a look at Carson, who rolled his eyes "--but that's outside my field. Sorry."

Carson spoke up again.

"And ye know damned well it's Heitmeyer that'd have a thing or two to say about that, so dinnae give me that tripe, ye--" Carson's voice trailed off, and he stared at Rodney suspiciously. "And why aren't ye complaining, Rodney?"

"Well, I should think that was obvious." A look of superiority crossed Rodney's face. "There could possibly still be a few wraith hidden in the city, or what if they decide to suddenly return? And don't forget about the Ge'nii. I don't suppose anyone's bothered to wonder if they're going to come pay a visit and see how their nuclear weapons panned out, or--"

Zelenka, up until this point quiet, snorted.

"In other words...jak se to udržuje?" Zelenka stopped and smirked. "Je vylekaný."

Rodney glared at him blankly.

"What?"

"Is scared, Rodney. Are frightened for life. Exhibiting signs of--"

McKay huffed, and smirked back in irritation.

"Oh, sure, you make fun of it. You weren't running through the city with--"

"Yes, yes, with Wraith warrior trying to feed on blood."

Elizabeth bit back a groan.

"Gentlemen, I'm sure Major Sheppard has a reason for this added caution." Though at this point, Elizabeth wasn't making any bets. The absurdity of assigning an escort to the scientific staff was clear even to her.

She gestured at the Marines.

"Whoever's in charge?" One of the men, a sergeant, stepped forward, and she nodded. "Why don't you come up here and explain the Major's orders to me?" The young man, looking increasingly uncomfortable, gave a single nod and came up the stairs.

When he reached her, he went to snap a quick salute before he appeared to remember she wasn't part of the military. He stared at his hand for a moment, looking at it like it was a foreign object, and then looked up at her.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry." His voice shook, and it was barely above a whisper. "Colonel Caldwell told the troops from the Daedalus to report to Major Sheppard for assignment. It took a little while to find him, and when we did, he--" The sergeant swallowed hard before continuing. "He suggested something anatomically impossible involving our weapons and certain parts of our body."

Elizabeth coughed slightly, trying to cover the light snicker that had rippled up her throat.

The sergeant, who couldn't have been more than 20, continued.

"When we told him that the Colonel had given us specific instructions not to leave until we had his orders, he told us to locate every member of the research staff, and assign two of us to each and every member." A slight note of exasperation crept into his voice. "Ma'am, I don't know if you're aware of how many personnel there are on the research staff, but so far we're coming up short on men -- and cooperation. And pardon my saying so, but in spite of what Dr. Beckett said to the contrary, it doesn't appear like this was meant as a joke."

Any impulse Elizabeth had to laugh disappeared. She had no doubt the Major was serious. Before the Wraith had shown up in the city, he might have done this just to annoy Rodney, and she would have silently cheered him on. But to single out each of the research staff, including the ones he was actually getting along with?

She let out a soft sigh.

"Sergeant, you have your orders for the moment, but feel free to take your time." She nodded towards the console. "You can use the city's sensors to track down where everyone is. I'm sure Dr. Zelenka will be glad to help."

She started to walk away, but the sergeant grabbed her arm.

"Ma'am, what are you doing?" His already nervous face tightened another notch. "I mean, where do you intend to go?"

Elizabeth screwed up her eyebrows in puzzlement.

"I'm going to go find the Major, unless you can think of a reason not to."

The sergeant called down for a Private Valaquez, and Elizabeth had a sinking feeling she knew what was coming next.

"No, ma'am, not at all." The sergeant almost squirmed in his shoes, and Elizabeth found herself caught between wanting to laugh and wanting to scream in frustration. "But I'm afraid Private Valaquez and myself will have to escort you there.

"We're your security escort, and Major Sheppard gave us specific orders not to let you out of our sight."


End file.
